Let’s rewind to the moment I decided to become the next crypto millionaire. Armed with my life savings, a few hours of YouTube tutorials, and the unshakeable confidence of someone who’s only skimmed the headlines about Bitcoin hitting $69K, I was ready. It was time to join the moon mission.
I broke the news to my girlfriend over dinner. “Babe, I’ve made a life-changing decision. I’m going all in on crypto.”
She paused mid-bite. "Crypto? Isn’t that the thing where people lose all their money?"
"No, no, that’s only if you don’t HODL," I explained, throwing in some jargon to sound like I knew what I was talking about. "I’m not just investing; I’m building generational wealth."
Her expression said it all: skepticism mixed with a dash of "I’ll need to Google this later."
Fast forward two weeks. My portfolio looked like a chart of someone rolling downhill—fast. My “safe bet” on Dogecoin turned out to be anything but, and my genius move of buying some obscure altcoin called "RugPullSwap" did exactly what its name promised.
When I checked my account balance, it was lower than my dignity after my last karaoke performance.
My girlfriend finally sat me down. "Look, I love you, but I can’t date someone who thinks “diamond hands” is a financial strategy."
So there I was: single, broke, and still holding on to my last 0.00000001 BTC like it’s a lottery ticket.
Moral of the story? Crypto may promise to change your life, but it doesn’t warn you that "change" might mean losing your savings and your girlfriend.